“Marry RICH Daniela!” // Nonna’s Advice

These are the wise words straight from my Nonna’s mouth. Actually, now that I think about it, they are also my moms – not to mention the many other friends who have proclaimed this long-standing advice to me in the past.

How appropriate!

Yesterday morning I went over to my Nonna’s, and along with amazing coffee and food I heard the story of her life… along with the regular words of wisdom that she often throws around. My Nonna married for love, but it was part of her world. Having grown up in a small Italian town St. Clemente, outside of the city Caserta, there wasn’t much else going for her.

St. Clemente was – still is – small. Everyone knew each other, and their neighbouring families, so it was my Nonno who picked her. That’s right. He hand selected her to be his wife.

They have been married since their twenties, and are now heading into their 80s. Coming from practically nothing – amidst their move to Canada – they did well for themselves. With three daughters, and working for the TTC, my Nonno now has a house down the street from us – a 4 minute walk, if that – and has a beautiful cottage in Orillia, Ontario that our families often vacation at.

Even though both Nonno and Nonna wished that they could return to Italy after my mom had reached age 6 – with Anna age 4, and Connie age 2 – it was no longer possible. My Nonno returned on his own for a month and tried to find work, but nothing was available in such a short time.

They had left a home with the hope of finding a good job in Canada, where the rest of the Malatesta family (Nonna’s brothers and sisters) had already immigrated to. Despite my Nonno feeling like he needed to return “home” to his family – they just couldn’t. It is from that story that my Nonna continues on to share her life wisdoms with me.

Nonna on repeat, and a girls guide to happiness:

1. “Live day by day.”

I understand where she is coming from. I do. It is a lot easier to live one day at a time, and it leads to less stress. When it comes to large decisions it helps you to really hone in on what you actually want versus what the outcomes may be, which leads to over thinking. I’m working on incorporating this into my life on a daily basis.

2. “Love is when you are blind Daniela, and you can’t see what’s in front of you.”

I too know that when you’re in love you tend to be blind sighted towards that persons flaws, and it’s something that is unavoidable. When it comes to my girlfriends problems with men – YES MEN we are at that age where it isn’t boys anymore – and I try to be both patient and kind when listening, consoling, or giving advice. When you really love someone it is difficult to see the negatives.

However, when you are in this type of mindset, I believe you’re experiencing puppy-love or infatuation (neither being real). I think real love is when you grow to accept someone’s flaws, and you love them anyways without trying to change them – because you can’t. Ultimately, this leads to a healthier relationship.

Nonna also says that she doesn’t believe in love anymore, and it’s basically just getting along. I like to think that there is someone who is better suited or equipped at ‘handling’ me, but you can be compatible with more than one person. Maybe that’s just it. It is possible – that ultimately – you fall in love with and marry someone who gets along with you the best.

In a sense my Nonna means accepting that person for ‘better or for worse’ because in the end no matter how much they piss you off… you can’t help but still want to be around them.

3. “Marry Rich.”

Here’s a good one. As i said, this hasn’t just come from the lips of my Nonna. It seems the older I get, marrying for someones wealth is a better idea than love, or it’s just being said more often.

All joking aside there are many different ways to define rich, and I think that rests on everyone’s individual opinion. To me being rich is when you reach a point in your life that you are able to do whatever you want to, and spend money comfortably without regret. Whether that’s travelling overseas, or buying that Marc by Marc Jacobs purse, you are able to spend money without needing to think about where else it would be better spend – more practically.

Obviously my father drilled it into my head early on by saying, “is that a NEED or a WANT?” This has haunted me my whole life. My metaphor for this is that you don’t need a large home. Every room should be lived in, and it is a place you continuously return to for comfort. Nobody needs that much space, or to spend money carelessly.

I believe in what Rosanne said while she was being interviewed by Oprah – something like – being happy is a state you can come down from, and it’s better to be content in life because it’s more consistent. So, as long as you have enough money to do the things you love, than you can be rich too.

Enough said…

Regardless of all this life advice, I am a hopeless romantic and will end up marrying for love despite what everyone says. As long as I can whisk off to Greece, or anywhere in Europe, with a small place in Toronto to call home – I’ll be more than content.

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8 Responses to “Marry RICH Daniela!” // Nonna’s Advice

  1. Cammie says:

    Your Nonna has some wise words!
    Here’s a little phrase that we all know well though: “money can’t buy you happiness.” If the truest of our most basic desires in life is to be happy, I’m sure all the money in the world could handle it for a very small period of time…..because, of course money can’t buy you love! Unless you’re looking for some hanky panky on the corner of Bronson and Somerset haha…you catch my drift!
    I definitely agree with Nonna on this one.

    • Dee says:

      I love your comments, and I too think Nonna is right – to a certain extent of course – but i’d never tell her that lol

  2. Lisa says:

    EXCELLENT BLOG!! Nonna knows best. Although her words are quite traditional and old school, they make complete sense. Well put! In the past, you were able to live day by day (that’s how they still do it in Italy), however, it really depends on your life circumstances. At 22 years old, you have to think ahead and into the future, which definitely does lead to more stress. If only we could all stop and smell the roses once and a while. I think I need a pep talk from Nonna very soon!

    • Dee says:

      Ha ha, I completely agree and didn’t think about it until you just said that. It is a very traditional and somewhat outdated thought to live “day by day”. It is near impossible – if not IS impossible – to do that in this day and age. Although like you said, and I agree this advice is relevant and well needed in our lives. Oh nonna’s – they understand us better than our own mother’s at times. And this still shocks me.

  3. Christina says:

    I came across this article and it made me think of your blog post: http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/2011/07/15/18424211.html

    in case you ever change your mind about marrying for love, you know where to go! 😉

    (all joking aside though, I think the fact that such a school exists provides some interesting food for thought about Beijing culture and values)

    • Dee says:

      Ah! I would never go to that school! I think it’s so weird. How can you be taught to detect liars?? in relation to how much money they earn, and their net worth? That’s intense, and it’s sad that the one woman said he childhood was unlike others because her family wasn’t wealthy and so why not live the rest of her life without worries? I think it’s odd. Money shouldn’t hold that much value in an individual’s life. It’s sad, and the school is expensive lol

  4. Zia Connie says:

    Does Nonna know that you have been quoting her? How come she never told me to marry rich?

    • Dee says:

      I told her that I wrote a blog about her… but she didn’t really seem to respond to the news. She tells me that all the time, and i’m surprised she hasn’t told you!!

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